Dear Eliza...
long overdue!
19 March 2025
Dear Eliza,
Well well well bitch, guess who’s back.
I didn’t even go anywhere or do anything interesting that prevented me from writing you. All I did was be myself and develop a beautiful mental block against writing for one month. What is the point of a mental block? My therapist will always be like “well we have anxiety cause we need to be able to react if a tiger is trying to eat us.” Too bad a tiger didn’t try to eat me last month cause I was a sitting freakin duck. Anyway, I think I’m back! Or maybe I’ve just had the exact right amount of caffeine for today.
Did you know that the reason eggs are so expensive is cause we’re killing the chickens that get the bird flu? I thought we were just waiting for them to feel better like we do with people. In the past few years I’ve really developed a fantasy where I own some teenage ducks but there’s no way I could kill my darlings if they got the bird flu. We would go on the run from the government. I want teenage ducks specifically because they are so beautifully awkward. They have giant feet and no wings and duck puberty just seems so punishing. I will be their mother.
I got the same glass fingernail polisher that you got! I have used it twice and both times was like “this is the thing that changes my life!” Not much to report on that front but maybe tomorrow is the day!
I love you and I’m sorry this was so delayed.
Also I’m going to Ireland soon! Slainte!
Caroline